Raising financially responsible children, By Stacey Okoobasi

Family is at the core of our culture, and our homes are often a symbol of love, support, and unity. As parents, we want the best for our children, and we strive to provide them with every opportunity to succeed. However, there’s a fine line between supporting our children and creating a sense of entitlement.

OUR CULTURAL CONTEXT AS STATED IN MY WRITEUP SOMETIME AGO
In our Nigerian culture, children often live with their parents until they get married or secure a job that allows them to move out.
This practice is rooted in our values of family unity, respect, and care for one another. For example, it’s common for children to return home during weekends and holidays, and our family homes remain a place of comfort and support throughout their lives. By paying for their college education, we provide them with a debt-free start in life, allowing them to focus on their future without the burden of student loans.
The environment and culture we grew up in back home emphasized respect and discipline from an early age, shaping children to be considerate and well-mannered members of society. In contrast, the societal and environmental influences in Western countries are different: children are often encouraged to be more independent, assertive, and expressive, and the level of parental authority can be perceived as more negotiable. As a result, raising children in the West often requires adapting parenting techniques, since traditional methods may not always be effective. It becomes important to find new ways to engage children in small
responsibilities, helping them gradually develop the life skills and self-management needed to thrive in this different cultural context.

Recent scenario:A Nigerian couple had been extremely generous to their children, paying for their college education, buying them cars, and covering all their expenses.
While it may seem like they were providing a good life, the reality was that their first son had become somehow dependent on them. The son, in particular,graduated from college,was working but contributed nothing to the household and was also very disrespectful. He was disrespectful, and would always yell at his mom no matter how she tries to talk to him. There were frequent police calls, with the son yelling at his mother, confronting her at every slightest chance and causing chaos at home. Despite the parents’ efforts to reason with him, he refused to listen, leading to a pattern of behavior that was both disrespectful and alarming. When the father finally realized the extent of his son’s arrogance and asked him to start contributing to household expenses, the son’s reaction was extreme. He cried, wept, and even raged. The situation escalated to the point where the parents had to ask him to move out because his disrespectful behavior had become unacceptable.

So, where did the parents go wrong?
I would say by not letting them know about financial responsibility at a young age and not instilling a sense of accountability and self-sufficiency, the parents inadvertently created a sense of entitlement in their son.

TO AVOID THIS PITFALL PARENTS CAN TAKE SEVERAL STEPS.
1. Set clear expectations: Teach children the value of money and the importance of contributions.
2. Encourage financial literacy: Educate children on budgeting, saving, and investing.
3. Gradually increase independence.
4.As they grow older, give them more financial responsibilities and autonomy.
5.Teach respect and boundaries
Establish clear boundaries and teach children to respect their parents and others.

Theres another family I know that changes cars for their only son in college like they’re disposable. He drives the latest Mercedes-Benz, dresses in flashy designer clothes, and is constantly in trouble with the police. He parties excessively, gets drunk, and has already found himself tangled in all sorts of problems,he was the later kicked out of school for causing so much troubles and he later went to 2 different private universities and had same problem and last year drop out of school.
I can’t help but wonder-what exactly his parents was teaching him? What’s the point of sending him to school with all those flashy cars and material distractions? To me, this isn’t a sign of wealth but of ignorance. Why would any parent do that to their child? True success isn’t about luxury; it’s about values, discipline, and direction.

THE ROOTS OF ENTITLEMENT
Adult entitlement often stems from well-intentioned parenting choices. Many parents who wanted to ensure their children’s success provided them with constant help-covering bills, resolving conflicts, or shielding them from failure.
While these acts come from love, they can leave young adults ill-equipped for independence, fostering expectations that others will always step in. In some cases, social and economic pressures make this dynamic harder to escape. Rising living costs, unstable job markets, and student debt can blur the line between necessary support and enabling dependence.
Parents may fear that withdrawing assistance will harm their child’s future,but continued indulgence often delays maturity.

HANDLING ENTITLEMENT
To avoid creating a sense of entitlement, parents can take the following steps:

ACKNOWLEDGE THE PROBLEM
1.Recognize when a child’s expectations have crossed the line from occasional help to dependency.
2.Set clear and loving boundaries by defining what you will and won’t provide, and be consistent in enforcing those boundaries.
3. Foster accountability-Encourage children to take responsibility for their actions and decisions.
4.Offer guidance, not control.Mentor children by offering advice when asked and resisting the urge to solve their problems.
5.Seek support if needed-Consider family counseling or support groups to help break unhealthy cycles and provide guidance for lasting change.

A healthy parent-adult child relationship thrives on mutual respect and clear boundaries. By setting boundaries and encouraging independence, you open space for your child to grow responsibly.
Let love lead your actions, but remember that real love allows growth-even when it’s uncomfortable.

In conclusion, it’s so beautiful to spoil the kids and give them a good life, but start at a very young age to get them involved in responsibilities so they get used to it in time. Otherwise, you might be raising a weapon fashioned against yourself, and it can be very draining. By teaching our children responsibility and financial literacy, we can raise capable, independent, and respectful individuals.

MS. STACEY OKOOBASI IS A NIGERIAN ACTIVIST BASED IN THE USA AND IS THE FOUNDER OF NIGERIA’S FORUM FOR CHILD RIGHTS PROMOTION *